[PDF] Dave Barry Colonoscopy PDF (17.6 KB)

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Dave Barry Colonoscopy PDF
Dave Barry Colonoscopy PDF
No. Of Pages: 3
PDF Size: 17.6 KB
Language: English
Category: General
Author: Dave Barry

OK. You turned 50. You know you’re supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven’t. Here are your reasons:

  1. You’ve been busy.
  2. You don’t have a history of cancer in your family.
  3. You haven’t noticed any problems.
  1. You don’t want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.

Let’s take a look at each of these arguments one by one. No, wait, don’t do that. Because you and I both know that No. 4 is the only true explanation. This is quite normal. The thought of another human, especially a medical person, being fully engaged in your “behindular zone” gives you the creeping willies.

I know this because I am just like you, only worse. Nobody beats me in the arena of being a pitiful, weenie medical coward. Even routine medical processes, such as scheduling an appointment over the phone, cause me to feel light and queasy. It becomes a lot worse when I come into personal contact with members of the medical profession. More than one doctor’s office had a crater in the floor from my forehead slamming against it seconds after getting a shot.

When I reached 50 in 1997, everyone advised me to get a colonoscopy. I agreed that I should absolutely do it, but not immediately. By adhering to this approach, I was able to reach the age of 55 without having undergone a colonoscopy. Then I did something so pitiful and humiliating that I’m embarrassed to tell you about it.

What occurred was that a massive 40-foot model of a human colon arrived in Miami Beach. Really. The Colossal Colon is an educational installation that went on a countrywide tour to raise awareness of colo-rectal cancer. The concept is that you crawl around the colossal colon and come across different educational things in there, such as polyps, cancer, and haemorrhoids the size of regulation volleyballs, and you think to yourself, “Whoa, I better check out if I contain any of these things,” and you have a colonoscopy.

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